The answers to travel queries in India are the actual responses by the website officials who obviously have an excellent sense of humour!

Q:      Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it  rain on
TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A:      We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
watching them die.

Q:      Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A:      Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q:      I want to walk from Delhi to Goa- can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A:      Sure, it’s only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q:       Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India?   (Sweden)
A:      So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q:       Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India? Can you send me
a list of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore? (UK)
A:      What did your last slave die of?

Q:       Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India?
A:      A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
In-di-a is that big triangle in  the middle of the Pacific & Indian
Ocean  which does not.. oh forget it. ……. Sure, the hippo racing is
every Tuesday night in Goa.  Come naked.

Q:       Which direction is North in India? (USA)
A:      Face south and then turn 180 degrees.. Contact us when you get
here and we’ll send the rest of the directions..

Q:       Can I bring cutlery into India? (  UK)
A:      Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q:       Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)
A:       Indiana is a state in the Unites States of…oh forget it.
Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday  night in
Goa, straight after the hippo races.  Come naked.

Q:      Can I wear high heels in India? ( UK )
A:      You’re a British politician, right?

Q:     Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all
year round? (Germany)
A:      No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/ gatherers.
Milk is illegal.

Q:    Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A:      Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
make  good pets.

Q:       Do you have perfume in India? ( France)
A:      No, WE don’t stink.

Q:       I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
Can you tell me where I can sell it in India?  (USA)
A:      Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:       Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)
A:      Only at Christmas.

Q:       Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A:      Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first

Q:       Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A:      As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.

Q:       Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A:      No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)