Category: Jokes


Investment analyst and entrepreneur Dr. Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the Following:

”The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer it will go to India. If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.

If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany. If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in US. I’ve been doing my part.’

Based on a forward received.

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Travel Queries-Hilarious

The answers to travel queries in India are the actual responses by the website officials who obviously have an excellent sense of humour!

Q:      Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it  rain on
TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A:      We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
watching them die.

Q:      Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A:      Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q:      I want to walk from Delhi to Goa- can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A:      Sure, it’s only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q:       Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India?   (Sweden)
A:      So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q:       Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India? Can you send me
a list of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore? (UK)
A:      What did your last slave die of?

Q:       Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India?
(USA)
A:      A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
In-di-a is that big triangle in  the middle of the Pacific & Indian
Ocean  which does not.. oh forget it. ……. Sure, the hippo racing is
every Tuesday night in Goa.  Come naked.

Q:       Which direction is North in India? (USA)
A:      Face south and then turn 180 degrees.. Contact us when you get
here and we’ll send the rest of the directions..

Q:       Can I bring cutlery into India? (  UK)
A:      Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q:       Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)
A:       Indiana is a state in the Unites States of…oh forget it.
Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday  night in
Goa, straight after the hippo races.  Come naked.

Q:      Can I wear high heels in India? ( UK )
A:      You’re a British politician, right?

Q:     Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all
year round? (Germany)
A:      No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/ gatherers.
Milk is illegal.

Q:    Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A:      Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
make  good pets.

Q:       Do you have perfume in India? ( France)
A:      No, WE don’t stink.

Q:       I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
Can you tell me where I can sell it in India?  (USA)
A:      Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:       Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)
A:      Only at Christmas.

Q:       Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A:      Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first

Q:       Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A:      As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.

Q:       Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A:      No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)

Ali baba and chaalis chor is now Ali baba tees chor…10 were laid off!

Batman and Robin is now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate!!

Ironman now “air-pooling” with Superman to save fuel costs?!!

Women finally marrying for love! And not money!

Husbands asking their father-in-laws for a “bailout”!

The only “deposits” being made on a Ferrari are the ones made by birds flying over them.

Q: With the current market turmoil, what’s the easiest way to make a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.

Q: What’s the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

The credit crunch is getting bad isn’t it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I’m now America ‘s third biggest lender.

Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning? Because otherwise they’d have nothing to do in the afternoon.

Q: What’s the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A: In a few weeks, nothing.

Dow Jones is re-branded as “Down Jones”.

Goodyear is now re-branded as “Bad Year”.

Money talks. Trouble is, its knows only one word – goodbye.

Title: Chewing tobacco causes mouth cancer

Title: Drive safely

Title: Child Abusive Awareness
Headline:
Most child abuse is committed by the person a child trusts

Title: Save girl child

Title: Feed the Children
Headline:
The next time you waste food, think

Title: Encourage Adoption
Headline:
Adopt. You never know who you’ll bring home

Title: Save Girl Child
Headline
: Do not neglect the girl child.

Title: Parenting is by example
Headline:
Children learn fast. Don’t fight at home.

Title: Stop Domestic Violence
Headline:
78% of domestic abuse incidents resulting in death occur in the victim’s home.

Title: Stop Racism
Headline:
Defend human rights against racial discrimination


Mockery of Journalism …………………

In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter. The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg. So the boy went inside to the manager’s room and said “An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter”. To his surprise, the customer was standing behind him. So the boy added immediately, “And this gentleman wants to buy the other half!!!!!!”.
After the customer left, the manager said “You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from?”. To this the boy said, “I come from Mexico. The place consists of only prostitutes and football players!!!!!”.
The manager replied coldly, “My wife is also from Mexico”.
To this the boy asked excitedly, “Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?”
Hows that????? Believe in your presence of mind and never panic!!!!!!!!

Carry on

Picture is self explanatory 🙂


Enjoy…and carry on 🙂

~Himanshu~